If I were a farmer.......
by Spicy Marmalade
Summary: FF boys have stranges dreams too! Funny most of the time. Angst in some parts. Goes by the American FF7. Others apply as usual. Oh yea Shounen-Ai in some parts ^_^ Keep in mind it's all in fun ^_^
1. A rather unusual situation

Heh heh heh. I'm at School and I have been tired all day so I'm writing this to help me stay  
awake. (Even though I'm in class) Don't ask cause I'm not sure where any of this is comming   
from. Don't think I'm too odd but I kinda want to write something funny anyways. I love all   
final fantasy characters so don't think that I hate the ones I'm mean to. It's just a mood   
thing.  
  
  
  
=If I were a farmer........=  
  
  
One day Tifa was working at the bar. Normally this is the normal thing she does, but on this  
day she was a little bored. "Why don't I call Cloud?" She exclaimed as she picked up the PHS  
*Ring Ring* Went Cloud's phone as he was a slight bit busy in the shower. "Holy mother of   
Materia!" he cried as he ran out of the shower to pick up the phone. Luckily Squall had been   
there to pick it up. He looked at the caller ID. "Damn it's that Tifa chick again." Picking  
up the phone he put on his best *I hate you for calling cause I was waiting for Cloud to   
come out of the shower* voice. "What do you want?" He said in this voice. "Oh it's you"   
she replied in her annoyance voice. "I want to talk to Cloud" "You and half the world." he   
snaped at her while hanging up the phone. Then he took it off the hook. No one else is going  
to interupt. "What was that?" Cloud asked Squall (who was busy drooling at the moment   
because Cloud was in nothing but a towl and he was nice and wet.) "ummmm Nobody" Which to   
him wasn't too far from the truth. Squall was almost dissapointed when Cloud turned to go to  
the shower so that he could finish washing his hair. He was enjoying himself with the new   
view. After about 10 minutes he heard the shower go back on. Then all of the sudden the door  
flew open as Tidus jumped in. "WHAT THE HELL?! I've been calling for the last few hours!  
I thought that one of you might have gotten hurt and I was worried so I came over!" Squall   
growled his annoyance at the young man that had severe mental problems. He blinked at Tidus  
a moment later because he was all wet. Now he looked out the window and saw that it was   
raining. "You ran all the way here because you thought that we were in trouble?" He asked   
timidly. Tidus nodded as the movment sent water drops from his hair falling around him. "You   
know Tidus...... You are the only person I know that can make Lederhosen look sexy" Tidus   
(who was as oblivious as ever) blinked and gave Squall a questioning look. Squall got up   
from his spot on the couch and gave Tidus a towl and pointed him in the direction of the   
bedroom. "Change in there and there should be some clothes that will fit you." Tidus nodded  
and followed the direction of the finger.  
  
Tidus stripped down to his boxers (which had Blitzballs on them) and put them in a pile.   
and began to dry himself off when he heard the door open and shut quickly. "Tidus?' came a   
nervious voice. "Tidus turned around and saw Cloud wearing almost as much as he was. "Yes Cloud?"  
He smirked at him. Cloud took one look at him and his nose spurted twin fountains of crimson as   
he fell backwards. Tidus ran after him tripping on his clothes and he fell. On his way down his   
head connected with the dresser. Knocking him old cold while making a huge noise that echoed   
through the apartment. Squall was in the other room and ran into the bedroom to see what the   
noise was. He ripped open the door so hard that it hit the wall and bounced back. He only had a   
few seconds to register the fact that the other two boys were "asleep" before the door bounced   
back hitting him directly in the head. Causing him to fall foward and join them in their   
slumber.   
  
All three boys lie on floor dreaming. These dreams would be the dreams that would haunt them   
for the rest of their lifes and cause them to think twice about the ocupation of jacks of all   
trades.  
  
  
*heh heh what do you think? I hope that you will enjoy it as much as I will enjoy writing it.   
Thanks and feed back is always welcomed! ^_^ P.S. I still plan to finish Ocean's lovers 


	2. Cloud's Dream

Here I go with Chapter Two! Well I know that I'm slow with Ocean's lovers but it is hard for  
me to write about it cause I was in a similar situation so I have to get over it. Well anyways  
this is for those that tell me I never write anything funny. *disclaimers* I don't own FF or  
any of the characters. Don't sue cause I have nothing. Don't ask, Don't tell.* That being done  
with on with the fic!  
  
  
  
~If I were a farmer.....~  
  
*Cloud's Dream*  
  
  
Cloud groaned as he woke up. The last thing he rememberd was looking up and seeing Tidus in his   
boxers (with the Blitzballs on the them) then he had passed out. He didn't know why he passed  
out. The first thing he noticed was that he was now fully clothed and dry. He remembered that he  
had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing a towl. The next thing he noticed was that he   
was in a field. "Ok Squall and Tidus have gone too far!" He got up quckly and noticed that he   
had no idea in hell where he was. He saw a little house with a barn. Running as fast as he legs  
could carry him he ran to the house hoping that he would find Tidus and Squall waiting to laugh  
at him. He threw open the door and lots of little human beings ran to him jumping on him and   
called him Daddy. He saw Aeris cooking and he turned to her and shouted her name. Part of him was  
overjoyed to see her. The other half was in horror. Aeris was dead. She'd been dead for a long   
time. Why was she here and now? "Aeris are you ok?" he asked while swatting away little children.  
"Yes I'm fine Cloud-dear" She said while turning away from the sink where she was washing dishes.  
He gasped at her when he saw her. He belly was round and plup. "You're pregnant?" She blinked at   
him. "Of course I am silly. Or have you forgotten?" She winked and wiggled her eyebrows at him.  
Clouds's jaw dropped to the floor and he watched her yell up the stairs. "All right everyone! Time  
for school!" Four more children ran down the stairs to join the eight that were eating. She then   
moved next to the door and opened it. The children lined up and waited. Then Aeris dissapeared as  
she ran up the stairs and back down Tifa and Yuffie in tow. Then they lined up on the oppisite   
side of the children and all of them looked at Cloud. He just blinked and looked around. "What   
the hell is going on around here? Where did all these children come from?" As if on cue Tifa,   
Aeris, and Yuffie blushed. Then the kids screamed and ran out the door as the koo-koo clock   
sounded. Cloud chased them all the way to the road. Then they (all 12 of them) got on the bus.   
He watched as the bus drove away while the children waved and screamed farewells to him. Aeris   
had chosen to follow him. "Cloud are you all right?" Aeris asked as Cloud jumped 10 feet in the   
air. "No I'm not all right! I don't understand! Aeris you died a long time ago. I live with   
Squall and Tidus!" Aeris looked at him funny. " CloudI think that you have been smoking too much  
crack." With that she turned and walked back into the house. Yelling out the front door Tifa   
reminded him that he needed to do his daily chores. "Chores!? I don't know anything about being   
a farmer!" he walked into the barn and looked at the cows and shook his head. Areis came in and   
watched him. "Cloud? she asked him. "What the hell are you doing?" He looked at her and spoke   
sheepishly "Ummm milking a cow?" blinking at him she stiffiled a giggle. "Cloud that's not a   
female cow." He turned and noticed that he was about to milk a male bull. The bull took one look   
at him and snorted and began to charge at Cloud. He ran out of the barn and Tifa and Yuffie ran   
outside. "What the hell is going on?!" Yuffie yelled over Cloud's screams of terror. Areis walked  
up to them and stated calmly. "He tried to milk a bull." "Oh? Again?" Tifa asked. "Yea the last   
time he did that was when we first got the farm." replied Yuffie "Don't you thinks it's a little   
odd though? I mean he didn't scream this much." They all turned to him as he began to scream for   
help. The three girls all sweatdroped and nodded. Finally the bull got tired and lay down to   
sleep. Cloud sighed and walked back into the barn. The girls followed him and he looked   
at them and he spoke. "What should I do next? Tifa pointed to the pile of hay. "ummm feed the   
animals?" He nodded at her and picked up some hay then walked up to the chickens. "Here chicken   
chicken. Time to eat." All three of the girls stared at him. Cloud then walked up to the horses   
and held out his hand to a horse "Here horsey horsey." The horse then almost bit his hand off.  
"Cloud!" Tifa yelled at him. "What has gotten into you?" Cloud stop feeding the horse. "I don't   
know!" he cried at them. "The last thing I remember was seeing Tidus half naked!" The horse had   
gotten mad that he was no longer getting feed. So he decided to make the Cloud pay. He kicked   
him. Cloud went flying across the barn. He got up and stumbled up to the girls. They were torn   
between being angery that he just said he saw someone half naked and worry cause he was kicked by  
the horse. "Thank you my dear man. I'll have an snow cone" He mumbled then passed out. 


End file.
